Entertainer: Nick Shulze
Band Function: Lead Drummer
Influences: Alcohol and tobacco juice, mostly
Keys to "success":: Making sausage and stacking the wood pile.
Alter-ego: A drummer passing himself off as a machinist


Nick was born into the bustling metropolis of Newport, Ohio to "Big Ed" and Ruth Schulze during the year of the monkey on the Chinese Zodiac. According to legend, he was kidnapped by a drifting clan of sasquach at the age of 2, and spent the next several years learning his basic speech patterns from them.

He eventually "escaped" from the sasquach (recent evidence shows that they escaped HIM) and returned to Newport to learn the fine art of wood pile stacking under the guidance of Big Ed. Nick grew fond of the sound that the wood made as it clacked together while stackin'. Ruth soon noticed this and, armed with a blow torch and a bottle of Jack Daniel's, set out to build her #1 son his first drum set out of an abandoned manure spreader. (The truth is stranger than fiction, ain't it?)

It was years later before they discovered that there were supposed to be heads on the drums, but Nick's playing style had already developed- to this day, he still infuses many of his drum solos with rim shots galore.